Water Gun

We got the results of the Semen Analysis back, on Valentine’s Day of all days. The results were as bad as they could get—basically nothing. It seems that my husband’s “gun” is not shooting bullets (sperm) and even not shooting blanks (dead sperm). As my doctor put it, “there just isn’t anything there.” A water gun.
You may ask: why is having a bunch of dead sperm much better than not having any? Isn’t the end result the same? Well, treatment-wise, having dead sperm means that something is killing them off, such as toxins, heat, illness, and infection— whatever. These are all things you can potentially change. My husband doesn’t seem to have a chance at all for easy treatment. When nothing is there, nothing is there.
My doctor referred us to a Reproductive Endocrinologist. Unfortunately, this RE is not in my insurance book. We don’t even know if we are covered for anything to do with infertility. We have to find out what we are covered for and then try to find out some stuff about the REs we get to choose from. Then, set up an appointment with this RE who will send my DH to an Urologist.
What causes azospermia (or no sperm) can be broken down into three categories.
1. Blockage- one of his tubes could be blocked. Possibly reparable with microsurgery.
2. Wrong direction- the sperm could travel up into the bladder instead. There are methods to collect the semen out of the bladder, but they really aren’t any fun. Trust me on this one.
3. No production- his parts just don’t make sperm. Only potentially fixable if this is hormone-related instead deformed organs.
Unless we get a miraculous cure, I am sure that at least IUI and probably IVF are in our future.
What am I feeling? Bad. Thoughts of surgeries and donor semen and injections fill my head. Seeing babies and my nursery and my pregnancy magazines hurt now like never before. Half of me wants to just give up. The other half knows I never will.